Time

    In the span of our lives, many lessons cross our paths. Some formal, some teachable. Some real, some unrealistic. Even a few linger slowly behind like the shadow of a black cat. Time, though, has a funny way about how we learn these lessons. Sometimes it chooses to slap us in the face with said lesson, while other times it weaves the lesson into the patterns of our lives until one day, it comes full circle, finally making sense. 

    In college, I once dated this guy. I won't deny that I was a bit smitten with him. This state of mind allowed me to 'tune-out' one of his character defects: arrogance. He had an unusual perspective of what his most precious commodity was. It was his time. Whenever I would allude to the common 'where are we going with this relationship' conversation, he liked to remind me his 'time' should be enough (insert eye roll here).

    Fast forward twenty years, and I find myself chewing on his very words. They ring so true to me today and I wonder if he really knew the value of them back then, or simply repeated some wise sage he had read. Maybe he was quoting words spoken to him in a loving and doting tone by his grandmother, reading bedtime stories to his little boy version. Nonetheless, his sentiment made an impact. Not only am I chewing on them now, but I must admit they have resurfaced many times over the last two decades. Few of us possess such wisdom in our lifetime, much less our early twenties. My young soul was too naïve to carry the weight of such a phrase as they crossed his lips then. 

Today, though, I chew on them for many different reasons, no longer lost in the daydream of a girl's first crush. I see great value in them. I believe that time is a precious commodity. An asset to be dispersed with wisdom, care and sincere thought. A treasure to be savored, not tossed away, or wasted.

    I linger over these words as I look to my past. Seeing my childhood in the rearview mirror, watching a little girl longing for more time and attention from her busy mother. Every day feeling like another year, time ticking by slowly, second by second.

    I contemplate the depth of this idea as I look in front of me, today, in the eyes of three amazing, curious, vibrant children. They have a simple longing for the same as I did. Although now, every year is more fleeting than the last, time flying faster than the speed of light.

    I hold this notion close to my heart, as I watch my parents age, my opportunity to build a legacy dwindle and my body transition from what it was to what it will be. Time becoming more of a memory than a simple state of the present moment.

    There is a struggle in setting aside my own agenda, the necessary acts of adulthood: work, laundry, cooking, cleaning, errands. Exploring my own passions rarely makes it on the list. Since that long ago period of my youth, I have had a personal endeavor not to be the woman that loses herself in marriage and motherhood. Endeavors, however, do not lesson the challenge. Much of the challenge lies in the balance. But even the balance cannot be predicted with divergent demands day after day.

    I long for days to explore the things I love, such as reading, writing, gourmet cooking and travel. My heart longs to explore mysterious things I have never known, such as developing a writing career, having any form of self-discipline or attaining great wisdom like King Solomon (without the nasty aftermath of worshiping idols, of course). 

    I have acquiesced that such journeys will take place in my world when the time is right. These things will be pursued, but now is not the time to force them. Now is when I give my most precious commodity to what matters most to me: family.

    While in the throws of motherhood, I constantly fight the urge to do my own thing when a precious child of mine asks me to watch them play Mario Kart or go for a bike ride, or sit down and color. It's easier to do things I want, always easier to do the things that don’t involve other people (did I mention I am an only child). 

    Someone special came into our lives eight years ago. This woman continues to bless each of us with her love and attention. She is the pseudo grandmother whom we call The Great Auntie M. There is no earthly measure of the love we have for her. She treats my children more precious than gold. No matter where she is or what she is doing, she drops it all anytime any one of us call her or ask for her attention. She is always there, fully, present and in the moment. Spending time with her leaves you feeling you are the only person in the world and your words matter more than anything. She has a special gift. She gives us the gift of her time. She has helped bring this lesson, this value of time, full circle. I now know how precious of a commodity it is. I fear sometimes I use too much of it and in the same breath feel as though I could never get enough. 

    Who she is, what she does, how she gives her time, is such a special gift. I wish with all my might that everyone was blessed with their own Great Auntie M. Just imagine the amazing experience to have someone see you, give you the gift of their time, fully devoted, uninterrupted, completely attentive to every word you said. I long to share in this gift. To pay it forward. To cultivate this beauty in my own heart. We all have special gifts, so I can’t say whether or not I will ever master, or even cultivate this specific power to compare. But it is certainly something to aspire to. The gift of my time fully, completely, without distraction or regret.

So, what do you think? 

Is time a precious commodity? 

Is it your most precious commodity? If so, how do you invest it?